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| SAKKARIN
HIGHMOUNTAIN |
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It is not on account of his brightness that I love him--no, it is not that. He is not to blame for his brightness, such as it is,for he did not make it himself; he is as God make him, and that is sufficient. There was a wise purpose in it, THAT I know.In time it will develop, though I think it will not be sudden;and besides, there is no hurry; he is well enough just as he is. It is not on account of his gracious and considerate ways and his delicacy that I love him. No, he has lacks in this regard,but he is well enough just so, and is improving. It is not on account of his industry that I love him--no, it is not that. I think he has it in him, and I do not know why he conceals it from me. It is my only pain. Otherwise he is frank and open with me, now. I am sure he keeps nothing from me but this.It grieves me that he should have a secret from me, and sometimes it spoils my sleep, thinking of it, but I will put it out of my mind;it shall not trouble my happiness, which is otherwise full to overflowing. It is not on account of his education that I love him--no, it is not that. He is self-educated, and does really know a multitude of things, but they are not so. It is not on account of his chivalry that I love him--no, it is not that. He told on me, but I do not blame him; it is a peculiarity of sex,I think, and he did not make his sex. Of course I would not have told on him, I would have perished first; but that is a peculiarity of sex, too, and I do not take credit for it, for I did not make my sex. Then why is it that I love him? MERELY BECAUSE HE IS MASCULINE,I think. At bottom he is good, and I love him for that, but I could love him without it. If he should beat me and abuse me, I should go on loving him. I know it. It is a matter of sex, I think. He is strong and handsome, and I love him for that, and I admire him and am proud of him, but I could love him without those qualities.He he were plain, I should love him; if he were a wreck, I should love him; and I would work for him, and slave over him, and pray for him, and watch by his bedside until I died. Yes, I think I love him merely because he is MINE and is MASCULINE.There is no other reason, I suppose. And so I think it is as I first said: that this kind of love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just COMES--none knows whence--and cannot explain itself. And doesn't need to. It is what I think. But I am only a girl, the first that has examined this matter, and it may turn out that in my ignorance and inexperience I have not got it right. Mark Twain "EVE'S DIARY"
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LAST_MODIFIED Monday,
14-Jan-2001 15:01:01 JST